The “lost boys” are supposed to be the stuff of fairy tales, but these days the phrase reflects a nightmarish reality. Too many children are being abused or neglected by their parents, and no one even knows where they are—especially the schools that are supposed to care for them.
Chronic absenteeism is often a sign that something has gone seriously wrong at home—especially with younger children. More often than not, it’s parental drug use or mental illness. And it can have dire consequences.
Take the recent case of nine-year-old Hayden Manis of Indiana, whose relatives recently realized that no one had seen him for more than five years. When Manis was a baby, his grandfather took custody of him after his parents were arrested on drug-related charges. Both parents were using cocaine. His father, Dustin, was found with the child in a room littered with heroin. No reports indicate what happened to Hayden’s mother, but his father finished a court-ordered drug treatment and retook custody of the child, over his grandfather’s fierce objections.
“He’s a drug addict,” grandfather Gary Manis told the local news station. “I told them, I begged them, not to give him back. Wasn’t my choice. Wouldn’t even let me speak in court,” he said. “He did what they required of him and they gave (Hayden) back.”
Dustin had a falling out with members of his family and stopped visiting them with Hayden. But apparently some relatives thought that others might still be in touch with Dustin and his son—until last year, when the child’s two great-grandmothers ran into one other and realized that no one had seen Hayden in a very long while. After a call to authorities, police questioned the father, who claimed that the child had been removed from his custody in 2022, though there’s no evidence to support that. In November, Dustin died of a drug overdose.
The family thinks that Hayden is probably dead. They say that, since the investigation began, they have heard stories of the horrible abuse and neglect Hayden may have suffered while living with his father. As with all such cases, the unanswered questions concern who knew what was going on, and why something wasn’t done.
In Michigan, meantime, three children, aged 15, 13, and 12, were found living alone in squalid home earlier this month. According to CBS, deputies “found the home in terrible shape, with an overflowing toilet, mold and human waste throughout, and some rooms with garbage in piles four feet high.” They had not seen their mother since December. She has since been arrested. The oldest child told deputies that “he and his two sisters lived alone and were abandoned by their mother in 2020 or 2021. The children survived on food their mother or a stranger would leave on the front porch each week.”
Neighbors note that they had not seen the children outside and had no idea what was going on. This was not a rural area, with homes separated by miles, but a neighborhood with an active homeowner’s association. According to one deputy, who had to enter the home in a HAZMAT suit, “This situation would be deemed deplorable and intolerable for an animal, and it is utterly unacceptable for three children.”
It's hard to believe that such aberrant behavior began on the day the mother decided to abandon them. Were there calls to child protection or law enforcement before then? Were the children in school at some point? Why didn’t anyone notice that they were no longer attending? Were schools still closed because of Covid lockdowns when the mother left? Is that why no one reported them missing or thought to check on them?
These are the kinds of questions that should haunt us. They are the same questions we should ask about Hayden. Was there really no one who knew? Wasn’t he supposed to be in school? What happened to those reports of abuse and neglect we’re now finding out about?
Even before Covid, the idea that schools should be concerned about truancy was becoming passé. Why track down absent kids and punish their parents? They are probably struggling with other things. Maybe they worked all night and couldn’t get their kids to school or don’t have proper transportation.
Advocates and agencies around the country, including the New York City Administration for Children’s Services, are discouraging reports from schools, doctors, and neighbors to child protective services. Not wanting to punish parents for their “poverty,” teachers and principals are supposed to refer kids who rarely show up at school—or who show up hungry or with hygiene problems—to local soup kitchens or the Salvation Army. All these kids supposedly need are “resources” to help them.
But many of these children need more than a winter coat or a hot meal. They need sober, stable, present adults to make sure they are safe. When it comes to child welfare, if you don’t see something, say something.
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