This is exactly what my father predicted 40 years ago, as feminism was gaining ground. "What a great deal for men," he said. They could get anything they wanted with no real effort or commitment, much less a sense of decency. Thanks, feminists, for liberating us from chivalry and cooping us up in cubicles! Now, about that bicycle…

Excellent article - and don't think for a minute that the same SYM frustration ends when he does get married! It even affects the married middle-aged male. We all do want to be nice, attentive guys, but it has been kicked out of us by our women. No matter what we do, we are going to get crap for it. I worry about how to prepare my son to face this world, now that he is entering his late teens. I guess the only answer is to buckle up and try to enjoy the ride, and try not to personalize whatever you get from her. Is there a better way? I wish I knew.

This is a fascinating article, and very insightful. Thank you for writing it. At an intellectual level, this is a fascinating area of psychology. At a personal level, it is heartbreaking. The changes in cultural norms have removed expectations that women will be good wives, while demanding that men be good husbands. The results are not surprising.

Interesting story, interesting theories. It would have been more compelling if the author had used the word "love", even once - and not in an ironic context.

I'm sorry. I don't share the author's views. I loved being single, didn't marry until I was 36, and am 42 now. My stepdaughter's friends in college are lovely young people. Everyone seems, in general, happier and more open than they were when I was young.

It's a good world. No amount of effort to make it seem bad can really change that.

Good Lord, she gets it! And isn't condescending or in denial about it! My God, has the worm FINALLY turned? Can we get some sense back into family law, custody law, and so forth? Will we finally have a real open-source dialogue about men and women and modern society? Probably not, but given the vitriol the "feminist" establishment tends to spew today, I salute you, Kay, for having the sheer guts to write this.

Good luck. Let us know how Steinem and the rest of the fake "strong, independent women" crowd treats you ...

This seems needlessly complex. In a world where marriage generally ends in divorce, boys learn that marriage eventually leads to a woman hating you for the rest of her life. In a world where male maturity transforms women from nurturers to adversaries, where's the incentive to mature?

Isn't the point that women have achieved the equality of being seen as individuals? Some women like one thing, some women like another - yes, it makes things more confusing for a first date, but it could make for more fulfilling relationships if we are able to decide what we want in a man and seek it.

I always feel like these articles are being written about another planet. Where is this stuff happening? Good hygeine, a circle of friends who know people, and a willingness to engage in conversation are still all you need to go on dates. And I'd argue that two out of three is usually enough.

And these claims that all women are slutty, diseased gold diggers - what the hell? Maybe you should stop hanging out in these butcher shops that constitute the club scene. You want a girl that respects you for your mind, go to grad school. You want shared morals, go to church. You want a girl that responds to generosity and caring, go volunteer. Then be nice and be patient. But if all you want is someone hot and available, don't expect to be rated on criteria any more advanced than your own.

While you may be correct that hardcore jerks are a minority of the men out there dating, I suspect that the whole culture has shifted in favor of the alpha jerks. After all, men are highly status conscious; if the jerks are visibly winning, then the nice guys will tend to make themselves over into jerks if at all possible.

Like all Kay Hymowitz's articles, this one is a great, though saddening, read. But why does the article veer into blaming only men for the vacuum created by the sexual revolution? We no longer have a culture of "gentlemen" due largely to changes in culture precipitated by feminists, and Hymowitz has documented elsewhere the mendacious female behaviors of this brave new world.

An unbalanced end to an otherwise interesting article.

Whew! What a grim scene you describe. As a 71-year old woman, I remember my 1950s dating as both painful and joyous - with definite rules of behavior that all females knew were for their own protection against pregnancy and disease. How many of us who championed equal opportunity for women realized that it would somehow open the door for women to act like men and mess up a method for finding a suitable mate and lifelong happiness?

Most sensible women chose a man who seems like husband/father material, even though there are others available who are flashy and smooth. What happened to women's instincts or good coaching by mothers, aunts, sisters?

I have a good husband and most of my friends do (or did) also. My dearest wish is for all young people to be so lucky. As a grandmother of young teens, I groan inwardly thinking of what they face. I'm hoping that they are being grounded in religion in order to resist easy seduction and to meet appropriate potential mates.

Thanks for clueing us in on today's reality.

Unbelievably well-written and entertaining article. I'm framing it! Believe it or not, it was sent to me by a 27 yr. old, attractive and brilliant young woman. I'm a recalcitrant, 50 yr. old, never-married male, whose parents divorced when I was 11. There you have it. Incredibly insightful article. Dating sucks. Dating is fun.